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Bishops of Bastard Issue 1
Bishops of Bastard #1 was drawn and colored by the series creator Darnell Deepwell and written by Mickey Random. __TOC__ Plot Dr. Fap appoints Def (Devil’s Elected Firestorm), a lowly old Satyr obsessed with flaming and trolling online and IRL, to destroy the Bishops of Bastard by sneaking into the Church of Fatherless Time to steal information on the identities of the Bishops. Def is joined by his “whores” Eat My Fornicate, a forty-something flunky who hardly ever exhibits interest or emotion and iRobucket, clunky computer on wheels built by Def. After a sermon by Masked Bastard to the Congregation about Dr. Fap’s plans to destroy the Church, Masked Bastard discusses the coming war with Dr. Fap with his friend Denizen Mouse, a human-sized rotten who is also a professional poker player/dealer. Def and his whores sneak into the Church via Mystique B’s hive, home of a half man, half insect Bishop. Robucket is dismantled by Misty while Def and Eat My Fornicate make a run for it. Def is caught by hulkish, female bodybuilder Mistress Marge and interrogated by Masked Bastard. Eat My Fornicate wanders the halls of the Church until he comes across the Church radio station Highball Street, hosted by the old green hag Magda. He overhears Magda talking about Sadie being the “Holy Queen Mother of the Church” and the “mother of the Internet Saviour” and vows to report it to Dr. Fap. Although Eat My Fornicate reaches the Church Archives, he is captured by the Church assassin Mr. R Mcgeddon. The Bastard shows Def and his whores his Ten Demandments and sends them back to the Ward defeated. The Arch Bishop charges Bishop R Mcgeddon with protecting Sadie. Sadie doesn’t understand why R Mc is her bodyguard and finds the idea unnecessary. The Bastard asks former hippie-turned-bartender Linz Mondello to time travel one year into the future. Linzy agrees to do this; after a hot tub party, he will fire up the mighty Lulzwagen, a fuel cell-powered microbus that is a hovercraft and a time machine. Highlights *Mystique B attacks iRobucket. *Mistress Marge gives Def a contusion. *R Mc blows off Eat My Fornicate's arm. *The Bastard gives President Obama a tour of the Church. Author Notes "Okay. This was it. I had a lot to do and much to cover. I tried not to overwhelm myself with the usual pressures of a first issue. I didn’t focus on the publication. I focused on the story. This was the opening to a saga that has been going on long before the very first panel. I wanted to take a different approach to storytelling in comics. This was experimental. Many readers were led to believe that this was a one-time-thing where no issues would follow, that this whole publication was a joke. The joke was on them, and that’s okay. That’s what it was meant to be. “Because It Must” was based on the core content at the forums online where Denizens met and interacted. All I did was give the forums a location and gave the characters profiles. The basic premise was to establish the Internet Saviour prophecy and the struggle for control of the World Wide Web between Dr. Fap and Masked Bastard. The Arch Bishop was supposed to have the power to fly in this issue, but that would have overshadowed the overall theme of the Church as a whole. Def was also supposed to look more like a satyr, but this was later changed to maintain the comedic element of the primary villain. The only Bishops not featured in this issue are Chris the Pimp Julio." Bishops of Bastard: The Graphic Novel June 1, 2012 ---- Category:Bishops of Bastard series Category:Bishops of Bastard webcomics